That friggin “Oppressor” can knock down even the most accomplished talented Leader. I saw it happen to one of my clients. She leads a very successful multi-location non-profit. She is gifted and talented! No question about it. Her ability to assess a situation, put a plan together, and get her TEAM involved is impressive. And yet, the “Oppressor” got the best of her that day.
When coaching for businesses, or an individual, I look for the Oppressor. If they are stuck, it’s always easier to help them see the negative instead of the positive. As human beings we just operate that way, by default. Turning that around is the goal of a coach. I love what Ann Lamott has to say about it…
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.”
— Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)
This is what my client sent me after our coaching session. She was inspired by the call we had, and got un-stuck in the Oppressor and accessed her Leader within. That soft spoken beautiful voice that tells you it will be ok, and that you have this.
Why do human beings struggle with going to the positive voice first? Why is that? Each of us are gifted with an all knowing voice that tells us what is right from wrong. A voice that guides us and helps us see what the next step is.
Make today the day that you will begin the practice of “leaning into” THAT voice. And not the one holding you back. And as Anne Lamott says, “Don’t look down and have fun doing it!”
Take off 100 pounds in order to have the surgery, or live with the excruciating pain. That was what was in front of my client. His pain was so intense he was into narcotic stages. The constant hip pain of bone on bone. No way to lay down without the throbbing. …Sleeping upright in a chair was his only option.
Sounds easy enough doesn’t it? Lose the weight and get the surgery for gosh sakes!!! But to a person who has fought excess weight his whole life being stuck in this dilemma isn’t such an easy fix. Overweight human beings have a huge fear around “being on another diet” and the failure that accompanies that.
Inthis particular casehe not only had to succeed with the dietandlose 100 pounds for the hip replacement,but hehadto look at the possibility ofdie-ing on the table due to complications associated with such surgeries.
(People die due to blood clotting and other complications all the time.)
He was in the preverbal no win situation. He had to face his fears, dig in and live one day at a time. Change his eating habits, and slowly make the weight disappear all while living with constant pain and suffering. Lots of coaching took place. But he did it. He was one of the bravest men I know. It took about 8 months to lose the weight. He had successful hip replacement, and then 6 months later did the other hip. Now he is in rehab, still working on his weight, but not in constant pain, and not on narcotics and the fog associated with it. » Read more
Another light has been diminished. Robin is dead. I can’t think of how he died right now. But only that he is gone from this planet, this reality, and I miss him already. I loved Robin Williams!
For me, he epitomized how life was supposed to be lived, to its fullest, every single minute. He worked hard and he played hard. ALIVE, like an electric wire…Lighting up every room he entered.
I especially could relate to his struggles with substance abuse. His mood swings, his ebbs and flows, and his successes and failures. He spoke openly about it. Giving many of us inspiration and hope. » Read more
I struggled hearing your suggestion on what restaurant to go to because I couldn’t get past that lone tooth sticking out of the lower side of your mouth.
Seriously, she had one tooth. When did that become ok? Am I being too harsh? I’m not cruel, just curious. When did it become ok to not have teeth?
When coaching for a business I am put in the position to help associates, and owners for that matter see how they are showing up. If you have an employee that has jewelry hanging off their face, or tattoos on their neck, or body odor…
Well, they could be a distraction from making a sale.
What distractions do you have in front of you right now?
Golf at midnight in Alaska? Amazing. Never thought I would feel that experience. The greens were a little furry, which makes the putt slow and bumpy. But hey, I was golfing at midnight. So it was good, better than not golfing at all.
Slow and bumpy…reminds me of a few experiences I have had when coaching for businesses. The TEAM just didn’t have the sense of urgency behind its actions, kind of lethargic. No clear vivid direction or synergy around the mission. Consequently it was a slow, almost painful bumpy ride being a part of that organization.
Underneath the greens and fairways on the Alaskan golf course was permafrost. A phenomenon that wreaks havoc on the landscape. Makes the greens very hilly and circus like. Ever changing the lay of the land from year to year. It is very hard on the roads.
When coaching for businesses I find a permafrost underneath the visible view of the TEAM. It is the unseen culture, or belief system of the associates. What permafrost exists in the organization you are a part of?