I work my butt off helping others help themselves and yet…
“Sometimes I get lost!” Meaning, I get upset and thrown off my path.
Let me explain, recently a friend asked to inspire his friend while I was on vacation.
…It rubbed me the wrong way. After all, I was on vacation.
So I resisted.
My buddy persisted, saying I was a motivational speaker and I should do it.
Instead of just saying no, I reacted and promptly denied being a motivational speaker. (Justified in my mind because I do not actively seek that line of employment.)
But his perception was his reality, and that is how he sees me.
So, in retrospect, I’ve had to “look at” what he said in more detail, and be more curious because it still bothers me.
I went through the usual series of questions when processing myself…
Why does he feel that way? What is he seeing? What am I doing to portray that image? I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
Here is what I know about me…
My energy is big. I know how I “show up” when I enter a room.
I am optimistic, and the glass is usually half full.
Life is a gift. That I am here for a short while and have some work to do, for my days are truly numbered.
I’m funny, light hearted, and yet, very direct and edgy.
My confidence stems from a wound of not being enough.
I know I can make each and every person I meet feel like they are the only person in the room.
I am authentic, charismatic, charming, and altruistic.
As well as being a king, lover, warrior, magician, friend of Bill, human being, quiet, still, heart space.
I am a son, brother, uncle, father, grandfather, friend, colleague, husband, partner, ally…
The list is long, and yet somehow, I still sometimes get lost and forget all of that.
This is exactly what my clients’ experience. They are cognizant of who they are and still find themselves lost from time to time. This is a creative process I use in my profession.
A dear friend of mine insisted I read the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.
This person is a mirror to me, a match, very much the same in many ways.
So I got the book and read it promptly.
Big Magic has a beautiful way of suggesting “Creativity” is out in the universe waiting for each and every one of us to take.
We have to move past our fear and be “open” to the prospects.
I love that concept. It reminds me of the fact that “life” is a choice at every turn. We choose to show up the way we show up.
Gilbert talks of us having a Martyr and a Trickster in each and every one of us. It too is a choice, which do we want to be in?
For me, I might as well choose Trickster.
Here’s her quick primer;
Martyr energy is dark, solemn, macho, hierarchical, fundamentalist, austere, unforgiving, and profoundly rigid.
Trickster energy is light, sly, transgender, transgressive, animist, seditious, primal, and endlessly shape-shifting.
It was obvious to me that I have a big trickster!
The trickster trusts the universe, his own cunning, the right to be here, and in his own ability to land on his feet.
He trusts in chaotic, lawless, ever-fascinating ways.
And for this reason does not suffer from undue anxiety.
Why does the trickster not suffer from undue anxiety? Because he/she knows that everything is a game.
Looking back at my story I can clearly see I was in Martyr when my friend asked me a simple question.
When I get lost, as I will invariably do, it is because I am focusing on what I do not want to happen.
I know victim and martyrdom are present.
Today I choose to stay in the moment, focus on what I want to create, and let creativity in.
It’s all a game, and I want to play!
Are you ready to play?